She for years she would raise money. Many times, she would have none because there was no one that would walk by and give her the benefit of the doubt. She was envious of those who had not strangers but close people serve the food to her. Her friends and family would be there to enjoy the food with them but the girl had only herself. She kept thinking, I will have that soon. My family and friends would join me at one point when I become bountiful. I will gain all that i wanted when i just keep working at it.
So it comes to that day where there is a contest and she could have a chance to make it. She works hard, thinking day and night about her day of accomplishment and how wonderful the food will taste. She spent endless nights working on it, hoping it will be the best. Judgement day comes, and she was forgotten.
Oh how did she feel when she thought of those nights where she wanted to give up but always imagined the food that she wanted. But the others had more food than before and had people to share it with. While the girl was still in the dark, but now with less.
This was the first thought i had after my thesis critque. It felt horrible. It was like he was tearing my baby apart... and at one point he forgot my name... which hit my ego even more.
Though many times during that i felt like i wanted to give up, wrap my story up and shove it in the dumpster and light it on fire, I want to keep at it... but my journey was so long... and to make it even longer with these feelings... i dunno what to do... and at one point i was so disgusted... at the thought that i might have to brown nose my way into the show... disgusted me...
argghhhhhh so the next week, i will be working harder than ever... because i know deep down in my heart, i know i will get that plate of food... and when i do, i know people will emerge and will enjoy the food with me.
You heard it first.
I. WILL. NOT. GIVE. UP.
I. WILL. GET. THAT. PLATE. OF. FOOD.
will post later my response :)
Well here is part two of that
Today I totally forgot about what she wrote about me... cause I dont like holding grudges and i'm a kind gentle person...
so i had to stay at the korean art fair today and the other intern came and relieved me of my break
at the same time i needed a bag to carry my huge order of lunch and i knew witchcraft was in the same building.
So i went over and got a bag... and i thought... i should get some cookies and give one to the intern. So i got two awesome cookies...(their chocolate chip which cookies are soo goooddddd) and i gave one to the intern...
and i started walking back to the gallery...
and i was thinking... maybe the coworker would want a cookie... cause she must be more stressed out than i am... since she actually works there and all... so gave the cookie and i ate the rest of my lunch.
Then again she calls me and ask me to sit at her computer while she goes to the computer...
and then i thought... oh shit... she might have wrote something bad again about me...
so i checked her facebook status...
and it was a letter to me (even thought i am not friends with her so i wonder why she did that...)
and it basically said that she was sorry about everything and how the cookie really cheered her up.
so basically the point of the story... I WIN
So my co-worker wanted to go out lunch and I volunteered my time and said "yea i'll go downstairs and sit at your computer"
so we did all the laughter stuff and joked around etc and she lefted
and because i'm a facebook whore, i went on facebook...
and apparently she didn't sign off...
and apparently she had a lot to say about me...
which wasn't good...
at first I didn't know it was her facebook... so i just kept strolling down the window until i saw people I didn't know... and I'm like... whoa... what is this? and then i realized that it's her wall... so i was like... since i dont want to be facebook friends with her i might as well see what her statuses are like...
so the first one was a definite reference to me... cause i'm asian and i sometime mispronounce stuff... so she wrote about that... and i sort of chuckled... like... heh that was funny i guess...
and then the reference of me saying "no problem" but this is apparently a bad status since she's like... "stop staying no problem! there is no problem except when i'm in it then it's a problem"
and the whole time i found these sort-of funny/ackward statuses... i'm like... grabbing a calender and matching the times she updates with the times i'm here... and all these statuses about the negative horrible intern are the days that I'm not here...
and then i found the big wammy... and i quote "i'm giving away my intern. I rather work alone"
WTF!!! Are you serious???
okay okay i get that i'm not the best intern for a gallery. I even understand that.
but to one say that on facebook... behind my back and not even confronting me THAT'S REDIC...
Man... what a horrible thing to find out today... *sigh* maybe I give her wat she wants... and what i want too...
It has been forever since i updated with any news about ARTWORK!! *gasp*
so this is the scoop...
thesis is almost done penciled... but i have a lot of pages to color... and ink... TT^TT
the director or the devil is coming soon... and i think he's going to give me another ass whooping since he loved it so much from before
but this weekend... or the rest of the month, i'm going to be trashed...
AND I WILL WIN THIS BATTLE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAH
What a sucky holiday! It’s not even a real authentic holiday! It’s a day where a lot of businesses grow and trees die a painful death to become horrible Valentine’s Day card. Because of all this profit and superficial stuff that goes on, such as tons of candy and lots of lube and condoms, we all forget the true meaning of Valentine’s Day, if there was a meaning to all the madness to start with! I admit too, my hormones go crazy, trying to find someone to spend that day with since I feel like if I don’t find anyone, I will end up being old and alone for the rest of my days.
Well today (the day after Valentine’s Day… which happens to be President’s Day… hahah) I saw something so rare… and pure in the oddest form.
So because it was President’s Day, the world decided to screw me over by making the trains run on a weekend timetable rather than the normal rush hour routine and since I’m pre-occupied with life and me being single, I totally forgot about this and while trying to make the best of the train dilemma, I missed my train by a few seconds… *sigh*
Anyway, so I was suppose to wait for an hour for the next train. Usually, I just sit in “my corner” (an area where there is an outlet to recharge the laptop and a view of the boarding trains list) but there were these two people sitting there. They looked pretty shabby… which meant that they were probably homeless people.
**Just to note** recently Penn Station has been harboring a lot of homeless people… and they like to hang out where I hang out. A lot of them are just quiet and just sit there to get some rest while others beg for food and money and even worst some want to scare you… which happens to me a billion times! (Which is mainly the reason why I don’t really like Penn Station or hobos and/or both…) BUT back to the story
So I was first a little angry- they stole my corner and I have to sit in the most awkward corner now! It wasn’t fair but I didn’t want to argue with them, since hobos scares me. So I sat there for quite a while, getting my thesis done and when it was about 8 minutes before they announce what track the train is on, I started to pack up and wait in front of my corner, staring at the boarding train list. While staring at them, I just so happened to get a closer look at two people who stole my corner and I noticed something was wrong … or was it different?
First, I noticed that it was a man and a woman (since the hobos were mostly either all guys or this one regular woman but she was always by herself)… but the woman was sick or very ill. It was to the point where she couldn’t sit on her own. I started to feel a little bit of concern but I didn’t want to jump and help at that moment because I didn’t know the situation… again… I’m still afraid of hobos…
Through all this, I saw the man, putting his face gently to her forehead, trying to get her forehead temperature and looking her into the eye, sincerely, asking if she was okay. The woman couldn’t say anything… or I couldn’t hear anything… she spoke very softy. The whole time, I see the guy packing all his stuff into his suitcase (he had a huge suitcase- the one where it looks like it’s my height and that you can stuff me in it and stuff) and the woman was shaking her head “no”- I’m assuming he was planning on leaving her there and she didn’t want too. He abruptly left her, with his suitcase as she just sat there, weak and ill. She was so ill or tired that once he left; she just tumbled over onto her canvas bag and lay there.
I was horrified by this! “She was sick and homeless like you! How could you leave her there all alone! You are the biggest scumbag on earth to do that to her!” I thought in my head. At that point, I was glad I didn’t have a boyfriend cause if he did that to me, I would be furious! But I forgot about that… cause I had to go to the bathroom. (So I went to the bathroom… la-de-da~~)
After that random bathroom break, I came out and saw that she (the homeless sick lady) was still there, toppled over her bag and from what I saw, she was crying. At that point, my heart broke and I just wanted her to be better. So I started to walk over and try to offer five dollars- I assumed you could get at least a day’s worth of Aspirin or something with that. So I gradually walked over to her, trying to be discreet… when all of a sudden the other man arrived!
He came to her, cradling her head in his arm, helping her swallow some pills with some water in a bottle. She swallowed it and she smiled. I smiled at this moment, thinking this guy isn’t that much of a douche but I did noticed that he looked a little… beat up… but I just assumed that he just had his coat off and I didn’t see or know what was underneath or something like that. Then my train number was posted and I headed towards the elevator that my train was at and I was waiting among the other commuters as the elevator opens it doors.
While waiting for the doors to open, I was still staring at the hobo couple- it was very sweet, I kept thinking. I guess I was staring at them so hard that another guy was noticing what I was doing. He mentioned to me that it looks very sweet and I replied yes, even though they are not the “poster couple” for Valentine’s Day since they are so dirty and homeless. But he begged to differ. He filled in the missing piece that changed the whole story and how it made me rethink about myself.
This guy, whom was talking to me at the elevator, works north of Penn Station and therefore, enters the north side of the station (the NJ transit area is located on the east section of the huge station) While entering the station, he noticed that these “hooligans” was hitting and kicking this man, who was on the ground injured but not crying. The commuter found this repulsive and shooed the kids away then tried to help the man get up from the ground. But the guy on the ground shooed him, saying that he was trying to raise money for medicine and that the man ruined that chance for an extra dollar. The commuter, who told me that he also doesn’t interfere with homeless people due to his own reasoning, asked what he meant. The homeless guy said that he needed to buy some Advil for someone and that he was a few cents short. The man, feeling pity for him, gave him a ten-dollar bill and told the guy to attend to his friend.
After hearing all of this, I was wondering “what does this have to do with them”… when it hit me… that guy- who was taking a beating, eagerly- was the homeless person that was in my corner
I dwell on this as I got in the elevator and the door was closing. My final thought about this as the elevator door closed and I got my last glimpse of the couple, now cuddling each other against the wall, through the elevator window. This couple, who seems to have nothing in the world except for the clothes on their back, had the one thing that many of us will never get in their wholes lives: true love.
While all these shenanigans are happening, we all forget the purpose of this day… and what should be every day of the year: to be close and support the one that is the closest to you. How odd is it that the only way for me to learn about this is by looking at the people who had nothing, not even their health! Yet, there were able to bring love and feelings into the worst times of their lives.
As many are thinking that their Valentine’s Day was satisfied, I beg you to think again because if you don’t have what this couple had… you basically are wasting you time.
And I too hope one day I can find what they have.
Till then, ta-taaa~
just wanna mention (to myself) that it's spring semester! so that means more stress! more work! and more more more more complaining with working on stuff that makes me feel like they cheated on me!! yayyy!
so i'm just writing a to-do list for myself to keep me on track... that's it.
-finish touches on fallujah and send it to nub
-get thesis done by mid feburary (that means 15 pages to pencil, ink and color)
- finish client's storyboard project (due date NEXT WEEK)
- get craft ready for retreat
- finish touches on sketchbook book
-get money/ not be in too much debt
hope everything gets done soon!
so let me tell you how my day went...
i wanted a half day... cause it's my vacation and i want to spend my time doing stuff for my thesis
but the whole day i was fumbling and was getting everything wrong... i dont know why but it was just going down hill from then...
and when i was about to have lunch, i was only given 10 minutes cause work all of a sudden popped up..
and then when they gave me something so hard and impossible to do... they expect it basically in five minutes... and when i couldn't get it done then they yelled at me... saying that this job was a on demand job and stuff... and it was horrible... it was to the point where i wanted to cry at work and i screamed at my desk because it was just too much! and then staying after work for 30 minutes, i get called to the boss's office and get yelled at more... and then i missed my train and i didn't get to eat anything to make me feel happy and btw i cried the whole time... THE WHOLE TIME... i couldn't stop crying at all...
but without all that suffering... i wouldn't have learn this really special moment i had on the train...
you see... on the train, i couldn't stop crying... my glasses were getting wet and my scarff was too wet to wear... and all i thought of was crying my self to sleep to forget about this horrible asian hiarchy and bitchie people... i was looking for a tissue to help wipe away my tears when i noticed i had my manhwa...
right now i am reading "the Antique gift shop"... a really great manhwa by Eun Lee about korean and other country mythologies... it has both horror, folk, romance and other genres which makes it an awesome story to read
so i noticed it in my bag... and for the past few days since i got it (for a cheap price on strand!!!) i been reading it non stop... cause i love reading it and noticing all the stuff i didn't notice before... so i picked it up again and started reading... and then i realized after a few pages into the book... i was smiling!... and then it hit me-
so this is the power of manhwa/manga/comics... it's able to take you to another world... a place where you could forget all the horribleness you felt during the day... and where anything happens for your enjoyment...i smiled because i was in the story... and it had nothing to do with what i was going through... it was wonderful! i rediscovered the powers of manhwa and storytelling... and i realized that through situations like these... i was able to have so many favorites... the stories that made me feel comforted... stories that took my troubles and breath away... everything that makes me keep going through life
and the bigger moment hit me... I (YES ME) HAVE THE POWER OF MANHWA AND COMICS... i was able to help others around me get through horrible crying periods o their lives... help others jump into a world where they aren't hurt but they could join in with the fun and excitment!
so i continued on my commute... still crying... but with a smile... cause now i feel more motivated about what i am doing... and that i want to do for everyone what Eun Lee and other cartoonist around the world have done to me...
and that makes me feel happy :)
until then, i got to get work done!
random kid whispering to another kid, "hey... she looks like she could draw"
other random kid, "hey... just because she's asian, doesn't mean she can draw manga" (and they pronounced it MAN-gah)
they approached me, "sorry but... do you draw?"
my reply "yes i'm going to be a cartoonist"
they say okay and you can hear them say "SEE I TOLD YOU YOU DIMWIT" as they are walking away....
i dunno why i'm posting it... i believe it's because i feel like it makes me very very asian :D